Photo by Damon Tucci

Many moms and daughters have unique relationships and they become even more unique when planning a wedding.

Not only do we understand the family dynamics that come into play planning a wedding, but we understand how easily feelings can get hurt, emotions can run high, and communication can stop. This is not something new, but it is something that as Orlando wedding planners, we are mindful of, and consider ourselves somewhat experts of!

If you are having a difficult time planning your wedding with your mother or if you are a mother who wants to help her daughter more, but aren’t getting the warm and fuzzies back, take these 3 insights into consideration before going any further…

1. Acknowledge Each Other’s Importance & Roles

Yes! We know it’s YOUR big day! Congratulations! It’s what you’ve been dreaming of and now its here!

But guess what? It’s also a big day for your mom as well. Your mom has sacrificed much of her life to ensure you grew up happy and healthy and she’s ready to celebrate as much as you are. She’s done so much to prepare you for this most momentous time in your life so she may want to be included in the planning of it before she let’s go.

It’s true that it’s not her wedding. Yes, she may have had a wedding of her own where she got to make the decisions years ago. Yes, she may have ideas that you’re not fond of. But here’s the deal…it’s important to acknowledge her.

Our suggestion?

Invite her to lunch or afternoon tea and ask her about any ideas she may have for your wedding. Take notes and tell her how appreciative you are of her sharing her thoughts. You’ll take into consideration everything she had to say and really think about how any of the ideas could work or mesh well with yours.

Give her this time to share. If you feel the need to tell her you don’t like something or you have a different idea instead, try to take a step back and just listen. Allow her to be heard.

Make sure to follow up and thank her for her ideas. Explain that you have a unique vision of your own, but you are trying to see if any of her ideas may complement it. If she continues to persist, kindly explain that you wrote down all of her ideas and are taking them into consideration. You will do your best to make it happen, but you are focused on your vision as the bride.

Afterwards, look over your notes and see if any idea (if even just one!) could be incorporated nicely into your vision. You’ll never know how meaningful something like that can be until you have kids of your own.

2. Allocate Tasks

If there’s a fine line between what your mother wants to handle and what you feel you should be choosing, schedule a time to talk about what each of you can take on based on your strengths.

For example, you may say that due to your budget and venue choice, it’s important that you take care of creating the guest list. However, it could be helpful if your mother could provide you with all of the correct addresses or help you address all of the envelopes.

If she’s taking over job duties of the maid of honor, kindly ask if she could help with other elements such as finding the photo booth, working with the calligrapher on place cards, or reserving the food and beverage for the getting ready room with your venue. Many of these tasks can be stressful for brides on top of the big decisions they have to make. Having a mother to help with these, and many more aspects, can be a lifesaver!

3. Give Each Other Space & Respect

She’s not happy with your color choice. She’ll never find a dress that looks good on her and complements the wedding colors.

She doesn’t think anyone will like the cake flavors. She thinks sticking to vanilla and chocolate are classic and expected.

She can’t imagine not having the dollar dance or garter toss. What kind of wedding doesn’t have these?

These are completely normal and quite common “discussions” mothers and daughters can have when planning a wedding. So, how do you deal with these “discussions”?

Give them space and respect.

Allow her to express her thoughts and feelings as long as it’s done in a respectful way. Afterwards, have the courage to share your thoughts and feelings in a similar way as well.

Kindly remind her that some choices are purely yours as a bride (particularly if you are paying for it). Explain that you appreciate her input, but it’s important to you that your wishes and dreams are expressed and showcased.  

But you never know…those words on the door she wanted to decorate with might just be adorable after all!

Make sure to allow for time to discuss these questions and be open and honest with your answers. Just be mindful to encourage the discussion to be respectful.

If you’re planning an Orlando wedding and are still having difficulty with family members, we encourage you to contact us at michele@michelbutlerevents.com. We work with families that have differences of opinions quite often and we can help buffer with ideas that can hopefully be accepted by everyone.

Don’t let planning a wedding ruin a special relationship. Call us now at (407) 365-4729 and let’s get everyone back on track and feeling good about your special day.